So, it’s been a little while since I wrote anything. Why is that?
Well, life has been a bit crazy recently. I’ve made lots of decisions, changes and ultimately fresh starts. After six years together, my partner and I have separated. For anyone who has been though a relationship breakdown (that’s all of us right?) you will know that it’s hardly ever smooth sailing. Throw a couple of kids in the mix and things can get really messy. While it has been a bit of a bumpy transition and certainly not drama free, I think we may finally be settling into our new “normal”. I’m sure there will still be issues and some obstacles we’ll have to tackle over time but hopefully we can do that without too much trouble.
I guess it has something to do with this new stage of life I find myself, hello single mother-hood, but I put a call out on social media about really needing to catch up with friends just the other week. Yes, it was a bit of a sad sack post on Facebook, but I got lots of nice messages and scored a night out to reconnect with old school friends. A night of chatting, catching up on the last 18 or so years of each others lives and laughs over a few drinks was just what the doctor ordered. I had such a great night, we all said we’d do it again and I really hope we do. I wrote a post two years ago about being the “Girl on the Sidelines” and just recently I feel like the promise I made myself towards the end of that post, is finally being put into play.
Drinks with friends, always good medicine
The beginning of my book hasn’t had much added to it but I have been thinking about direction, plot points etc., so hopefully I can knock some more of that out. Being on my own means a little less time to sit on the computer to get it done, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing!
I’ve noticed that since moving out of our old place I’ve gone through a “re-connection” as it were, with both Master and Miss E. My time with both of them has improved markedly in both quantity and quality. The absence of this quality time had a lot to do with where I was emotionally and mentally I think. In retreating from life as I had done, in being a paler version of myself, my kids were unfortunately experiencing that watered down version of me too. Sad but true. It’s not something I’m proud of and if I think too much about the first year of my little girl’s life it’s actually pretty upsetting. She definitely didn’t get to experience the same Mummy as my son did for his. All that being said, we can’t go back can we? Only forward. Acknowledging this can only have positive outcomes for all of us. I will make sure they get the Mummy they deserve, a fully-fledged, ever present one. That’s a new promise I’m making to myself and to them.
So, some big changes. Some a little sad, some life changing, some very difficult but overall leaving me feeling positive for myself and the future.
Whenever we go through changes like these, you know, the big life altering ones, I think we are left with a clearer picture of ourselves. It can be murky while it’s all happening, but once the dust settles we can see exactly who we are, what we’re okay with and what we’re not. We also get a real sense of the people around us. I mean when the chips are down, friends and family really show you what they think of you! Luckily for me, I have an amazing family. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. My sister letting me and the kids crash at her place with a household worth of furniture for weeks, my Dad and my Uncle dropping everything at a moments notice to move my stuff, my Mum who just said “yes” every time I needed a hand with the kids (or anything), my Aunty giving her time and helping me scrub my old rental, the help with financial messiness from my parents my Nanna and my Uncle, my Dad (again) for being my handy-man at the old and new place. Honestly my family is a great bunch and I can’t thank them enough for all their help. I’m really very lucky.
You know what else has been really nice? The support from friends. Those couple of really close ones that call or message just to see how I’m doing (and make you a gorgeous gift). That old friend that sent me a message after years to send a kind word and give me encouragement. The awesome community of mums I’ve got online (some I’ve met in person but many I haven’t) that just blew me away with their kindness. Last of all my other friends on social media that commented, liked or messaged me to check in to see if I was alright. I know it may seem silly to some, but for me it has meant so much. It means that these people I have met along the way, whether we know each other from school, through work or through mutual friends or events we’ve attended do care. These people know I’m a good person, they know I’m generally nice and deserve happiness in my life. I’m grateful for that, because sometimes when things get tough, we need to be reminded of who we are, of all those positive impressions we’ve left on people throughout our lives.
So that’s me checking in. Checking in on the blog and in a much bigger sense, checking back in to life.
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