Helicopter parenting. You’ve seen them, those parents who are always just an arm’s length away “in-case” anything “bad” happens. Perhaps you have done a little hovering yourself. I know I have been afraid to let my son just run rampant on a playground by himself in case he falls and hurts himself (mind you, he is two years old), something I have been working on. And why would I want to work on this? Why should I give him a little more space to work it out for himself? Because that is how kids learn and grow. We have become so terrified of the “what-ifs” that we’re actually holding our kids back from having some really positive experiences and growing into well-rounded grown ups. This sort of parenting isn’t just trying to protect the child from physical dangers either, it often attempts to shield kids from the highs and lows of emotion that comes with growing up. We are terrified that our child will get their feelings hurt. I think it’s time many of us took a step back and remembered that childhood is about experiences, not about being shielded from them.
Risk assessment. If your child has never climbed a tree, climbed a playground ladder that they’re unsure of, or crossed a moving plank bridge by themselves they really haven’t had the opportunity to engage in any sort of physical risk assessment. All these activities would fall into an acceptable level of risk for children of different ages and capabilities. Risk assessment is a skill. Our children need to learn this vital skill while they are young, within limits, because as they grow the risks grow too. I want a teenager who is able to access a risky situation and make the right decision, such as “Is it safe to get into the car with my friend who’s been drinking? No, it isn’t”.
Immortality. Or rather the lack of it. Remember having the wind knocked out of you after falling from the monkey bars or the flying fox? Scabs on your knees from stacking it on your bike while you were speeding too fast down a hill? Yes, it hurt but you also worked out pretty quickly what you could and couldn’t do safely. You also understood that while you’re not made of glass that actions have consequences. And some of those consequences hurt!
Success and Failure. It’s okay to help your child out and give them encouragement and advice, but this does not mean taking over and doing whatever task they are doing for them or letting them give up too easily. To become really good at something you have to put in the effort, you have to try. So many kids want to be instant experts and get really discouraged by “failure”. We need to let kids know it’s okay if you don’t get it right the first time. It’s okay if they don’t get it right the second time either. The saying “practice makes perfect” didn’t come from nowhere, there is a real truth to it. So yes, help them out if they need it but give them the space to make mistakes and they will soon be enjoying successes of their own. There is nothing better than being proud of something you’ve achieved by yourself with a little hard work.
Actions ans consequences. How many times do you see parents give in to their children for an easy life? Quite often. And yes, I have done this too. We really shouldn’t be making a habit of it though. If you never follow through what sort of message are you sending your child? That the rules don’t really matter? That they can basically do or get what ever they want eventually because you always give in? This sort of pattern makes for teenagers and adults that don’t think the rules apply to them. That they are entitled to say, do and act however they want. The fact is, in life there are rules, boundaries and laws that need to be observed and followed. This is what a civilised society is about, otherwise there would be chaos.
Winners and losers. Since when did not keeping score at primary school level sporting events become a thing? You are playing in a team against another team, kicking goals, shooting goals, whatever, but no one wins? Well obviously one team scored more points than the other. Kids aren’t stupid. Just because there isn’t a score card, doesn’t mean they don’t realise that one team got more goals than the other. Are we so scared that the “losers” wont be able to deal with it? In real life there are winners and losers. Teach your kids that its okay not to come first every time. Perseverance, putting in the effort and showing improvement is so much more important than always being number one. I also don’t agree with every child receiving a trophy or a ribbon at the end of the season. A participation certificate? Yeah sure. But I don’t think you should get a trophy for just turning up. Is it any wonder that we have young adults wanting a pat on the back for just showing up when they enter the workforce? They want to be congratulated on a job well done without having to put in any real effort. This whole idea also takes away from the kids that have tried really hard and improved or won. Is that fair? Whats the point in trying if everyone gets the same ribbon?
Be a parent, not their friend. Friendship between parents and their children can come later. Be an authority figure. They are going to come up against authority throughout their lives, and I’m sorry, sometimes you have to do what you’re told even if you don’t like it.
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