The sense of who you are is important. I’m not talking about the face you show the world necessarily, but the deep understanding of what makes you unique, what makes you tick, what make you YOU. It’s knowing and embracing your strengths while acknowledging your weaknesses. Having a firm grasp of what is important to you, the things you wouldn’t or shouldn’t compromise on while also being mindful of others is in my mind, most important when it comes to feeling fulfilled and happy. Not always easy, we do change and adapt to our environment and the people around us, but if we remember our true sense of self we’re less prone to crumble under others negativity.
Talking about and thinking on relationships past, one thing that rings true every time is that the cracks start to show when one person is doing all the compromising. I look back and think of all the times I’ve felt uneasy about situations or felt that someone’s behaviour was unfair but didn’t have the courage of my convictions to speak up for myself. How silly I was. When you stop sharing your truths and stop standing by them, that’s when you start to lose yourself. If it becomes habit, you slowly lose yourself little by little until one day you’re looking at a photo or at the reflection in the mirror and you hardly recognise yourself at all. It’s a recipe for loneliness, sadness and depression. The couples I know that are happy all share a common thread, the people in those relationships are predominately positive, they share responsibilities, they are loving and understanding of each others differences and they are kind to each other when the other may not be running at 100%. These couples do this while still being strong individuals.
If I’m totally honest with myself, I am at my best when I am not in a relationship. Obviously my past relationships haven’t worked out and I sincerely believe the biggest part of that comes down to the way I change when “coupled up”. The funny (I am, just ask me!), silly, passionate, opinionated, motivated, friendly, fun-loving me becomes this watered down version of Sarah that I really don’t like all that much. The “people-pleaser” part of my personality takes over and in a bid to be that “Cool Girl” I question my behaviour and stop doing the things I’d normally do out of not wanting to look silly. The stupid thing about this is that whoever you end up with, they were initially attracted to your single self with all your quirks and fabulousness and now you’ve gone and changed into something else. No wonder it doesn’t work out. The other side to this of course is that if someone isn’t attracted to all of you and wants to start changing the way you feel about yourself and the world around you, they weren’t the right person for you to begin with! I need to keep this in mind for the future because I really don’t want to lose myself like I have done in the past.
Sharing your life with someone is always going to involve some change and compromise but it should be about growing together while keeping your individual identity in tact. Will I ever find someone to have the healthy relationship that I want and know I deserve? Who knows! What I do know is that I like the person I am right now and I’m not going to dilute my sparkle for anyone. Being happy on your own is 1000x better than being miserable in a relationship.
A Healthy Dose of Sparkle
Comments