So this thirty something year old is turning 40. Still curious, still learning, still growing.
My 30’s have been the biggest, most challenging and most rewarding time of my life so far and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me. I celebrated turning 30 surrounded by family and friends, a fun party held at my parents place with about 50 people. Many of those friends have drifted away, some are more acquaintances now, but some special ones are still here. We may not see each other as often as we like but we know we’re only a phone call away, and we’re here to share the special occasions we mark in our lives.
2010-2020 has seen so many changes in my life and the lives of my family and friends. Romance, heartbreak, success, failures, excitement, fulfilment, wins, losses, disruptions, love. I’ve experienced all these but my biggest change? Yeah you got it, I became a mother. Something I always wanted and the most magical thing I have experienced. Growing life and bringing a tiny little person into the world is magic. It’s a tiny miracle that I feel really lucky to have had happen twice in my life. Not everything about my pregnancy and births was rainbows and unicorns, far out! Thinking back it was actually pretty traumatic, but I wouldn’t change anything. Well maybe the support I had at home, but that’s a different story.
Becoming a single mum was a much scarier thought than the reality of it and without doubt I’m in the best place I have ever been right now. I have memories that I will treasure always of just me and my kids. Our funny little rituals that are just ours and our special places that we love. Our holidays, trips away and sleepovers with our friends. I have the love and support of family from both sides and I know that we are never really alone. How lucky are we!
I am constantly learning and growing because I give myself space to do that now. I’m no longer censored. I speak my mind (occasionally to my detriment) attempting to move through the world from a place of love and understanding rather than fear. I have wonderful friends that I surround myself with, some of those from way back and new friends I’ve made along the way. My friendship group isn’t as big as it was but that’s the way life goes. It ebbs and flows and people come in and out of our lives depending on what season we are in. Some of my “Mum” friends I’ve made in the last few years are my saviours. Touchstones for when life is crazy or when you just need someone to be crazy with!
I’ve had a few relationships this decade. Serious, casual, confusing. The father of my children. The rebound (sorry!). The unrequited. The throwback. The crush.
I’m currently single and can truthfully say I’m happy about that. My life is pretty full right now, the juggle is real. Adding a relationship to the mix just seems way too hard if I’m honest, I struggle with finding the balance between quality time for my children and for myself as it is. It’ll come. I am open to finding love again, in fact I would welcome it but it has to be right. A relationship that adds value- love, respect, humour, support, fun is what I’m interested in. I don’t need or want drama, and while butterflies feel great I don’t want to ever confuse that feeling with anxiety ever again.
I feel like I’ve been working on my health on and off for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately my goal has usually been “to be smaller” which when I say that out loud, I know isn’t healthy at all. So while I can’t say “I love my body” and truly mean it without reservation, I am really working hard to respect it. Respect it for its strengths and abilities. For its past, and for what it will achieve in the future. So my goals now are more focussed on fitness, how much sleep I get and making sure I drink enough water.
So how to celebrate turning 40 in this COVID-19 world? There will not be a huge party but it will be special.
This afternoon I’m going to check into a hotel apartment. I’m going to play music and leisurely get ready for a great night out with my friends. There will be delicious food and plentiful drinks and probably more than a few laughs. I will be there with my sister, an old friend from high school, two girl’s I met while an apprentice hairdresser, my old gym buddy, a friend from an online mum’s group, a friend from work and my friends I met through the kids school. I’m something different to all these women, but most importantly I’m a friend. I’m going to wake up tomorrow(hopefully sans hangover) in a big hotel bed ready to embrace my 40’s.I’m going away next weekend with family to a holiday house in the beautiful Encounter Bay. It’ll be a warm fire, food and drinks and most importantly quality time.
So this is me, Sarah. Signing off as a thirty something and saying see you when I’m 40 😊
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