Judgement – Women Bashing

Okay, so first of all I’m not talking about violence towards women, a topic of great importance but not the one being discussed in this post. This is about the judgement and putting down of other women for their choices, for their beliefs and for their lifestyle. This is about the judgment we put on other women purely for the way they dress, do their hair or the interests they have. Social media is/can be a great medium. We use it to connect with others, near and far. It can be used as a fantastic tool such as giving us, the user, a whole world of information, opinions, thoughts, research and articles. We can use it to connect with like minded people and of course to share our differing opinions on all types of issues. It’s when we have a difference in opinion that things can get tricky. Of course you’re not going to agree with everything you come across, that’s what makes this world a great place, it’s diversity. It’s how we choose to respond and the language we use to get our opinion across. It is okay to let people know that you don’t agree with them and give reasons why. It is not okay to enter into verbal bashing mode. The bashing isn’t just limited to the net either. Visit a hairdresser, walk through a shopping mall, read a magazine or visit a playground and you’ll witness it. It seems it is everywhere we go. Women are obviously not the only ones doing this but it seems we judge other women by such harsh standards in comparison to their male counterparts.

Our female ex-Prime Minister was subject to such criticism while she was in office and it wasn’t just about the government policies she was presenting. It was her hair, her wardrobe, her voice for god sake! I can’t remember any news reports on what Prime Minister John Howard was wearing. I can’t remember anyone going on about the cut and colour of Rudd’s hair. There were snide remarks about her college days but we’ll celebrate someone like Bob Hawke, a recovered alcoholic sculling a beer at a footy match. Yes, people have opinions, but calling someone a bitch, a slut, a dike, or any other such derogatory term really isn’t necessary.

Ex-Prime Minister Julia Gillard

Recently, an Australian single mum, Krystle Daly went on a morning show to discuss the ground rules she’d put down for dating. The headline being ’50 dates before sex’. The headline obviously caught peoples attention when this segment was shared on the shows Facebook page it received many, many comments. You can watch the original interview here. Some of these comments were supportive, “You go girl!” and the like, but many went straight into bash mode. Comments asking just who she thinks she is, stating she must be a princess, she’s just looking for a free ride as dates are expensive and that basically she was kidding herself, were rife. A woman states that she is wanting to get to know someone over time, not spending lots of money, developing a relationship between her family and theirs before it get physical and she is told that she’s being ridiculous. The comments didn’t just stop at the actual dating issue, they went on to once again focus on her appearance, her voice and how she obviously has issues as her relationships haven’t worked in the past. A single mum, putting down some ground rules to weed out those guys not serious, would seem smart to me. I bet if she was on the same program saying that she always sleeps with people on the first date and thinks rules shouldn’t apply to dating there would be an uproar. What a bad woman!

Another area women are judged most harshly is when they enter motherhood. Everyone has an opinion and everyone else knows best. If you’re a SAHM, you are lazy and sponging off either your hardworking husband or the rest of Australia’s tax payers. If you go back to work, why did you bother having children in the first place? You should be sacrificing your lifestyle and spending more time focusing on your child/children. If you’re a single mum you obviously are just looking for a handout. Blah, blah, blah! The fact is, everyone’s situation is different. Life is a fickle thing and while some may cruise along never having to worry about a thing, others receive a few curve balls along this journey we call life. Unfortunately life isn’t a sure thing, and sometimes the best laid plans can go awry. Different people have different priorities. That’s what makes us the interesting, unique human beings that we are. Just because someone parents in a way that you don’t (here’s a wonderful post dealing with parenting labels), it does not mean that it is wrong. It’s okay to give advise, but telling someone else they are wrong, and shoving your way down their throat isn’t helpful.

Welcome to Mother-hood, now get ready for the judgement

There are obviously many other areas where women are judged, pick up any glossy magazine and you’ll find examples, but my point is, why as women do we feel the need to drag other women down? Where does it come from? Do we feel judged and therefore judge others to make ourselves feel better about our decisions? Are we so insecure about ourselves that we need to criticise and belittle others. Imagine how better we’d all feel if we respected and supported each other in our daily decisions. You don’t have to agree with someone or even fully understand them to show them respect. Yes, I think we need to embrace the notion of sisterhood and really start to acknowledge each other for our differences, not just in spite of them. And when I say sisterhood I’m not then excusing man-bashing or man-hating either. Respect should be universal. So next time you come across a woman going about her day, sharing a post about her weekend, struggling in the supermarket with a tired two year old, or sporting a fabulous haircut and a smile, how about you just smile back or leave a comment of encouragement. We should be celebrating our successes, not pointing out others perceived failures. Perhaps the old saying “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” should be applied more frequently.