The inner voice, the higher self, the authentic self. Not the naysayer, not the doubting Thomas but the hype girl that lives inside our hearts – this is who we need to tap back into. Remember when we were little and were told we could do anything? When life was exciting, when a trip to beach or the park held a wonder in what our day would bring? When a challenge was a chance to try something new with the very real possibility of succeeding, not something to be scared of? Remember when going up a size meant we growing and thriving?
We live in a world that relies on our self-doubt and constant questioning of our worthiness. We hold youth up as this ideal; forgetting that with age comes the lessons and wisdom that simply can’t be taught until experienced. As children and teenagers growth and change are celebrated, even when things get a little weird!
The years go by and we reach these “milestones” and we are congratulated but this celebration of change stops as we move into adulthood. Suddenly change is feared and we feel this outside pressure to stop time. While stopping time is impossible we are told we can stop these changes if only we…x, y and z. The messages come in thick and fast if we’re not careful about our environment and they can really wear us down. They feed our self-doubt; keep our negative thoughts on a simmer until it’s all we can see. Truth – weight fluctuates, skin stretches and hair changes for any number of different reasons through age and different stages of health. We are not static mannequins but real breathing, moving, living beings that move through the ebbs and flows of life. We are supposed to change!
“Truth – weight fluctuates, skin stretches and hair changes for any number of different reasons through age and different stages of health. We are not static mannequins but real breathing, moving, living beings that move through the ebbs and flows of life. We are supposed to change!”
It’s so much harder to sell someone something – the idea of a perfect body, the perfect skin, the perfect hair, the perfect partner, the perfect holiday, the perfect house, the perfect outfit, to someone who already feels complete just as they are. Perfection is an illusion that we are sold. It isn’t real. It’s not obtainable.
Hearing your authentic voice and actually listening to it feels so foreign at first. Funny how listening to this higher version of ourselves makes us feel like more of a fraud than tuning into our negativity. Why is that? I mean, we have this one brain, this one body for the rest of our lives so instead of beating up on ourselves we need to be showing ourselves love. We would never dream of being so hateful to our loved ones, friends and family as we are to ourselves. When we aren’t being true to ourselves and when we don’t think we are good enough, we start putting ourselves out in to the world as something else. We wear masks and tell ourselves stories that make us feel more comfortable or that simply “justify” the way we are. We find ourselves performing rather than living, and this leads to feeling empty and unfulfilled. We put walls up. I’m very guilty of doing this, which may be surprising to some of my friends, as I am a sharer (did someone say an over-sharer?). Thing is, even though it sounds so cliché the only opinion that truly matters about you is the one you have about yourself. When you believe in yourself, when you show yourself love and grace; other people see this is how they should treat you too.
“Thing is, even though it sounds so cliché the only opinion that truly matters about you is the one you have about yourself. When you believe in yourself, when you show yourself love and grace; other people see this is how they should treat you too.”
Want to know one of the most freeing and empowering secrets about life? No one else thinks about you as much as you do! I need to remind myself of this far too often. The fact is they don’t care! No, I don’t mean they don’t give a crap about you, quite the opposite really. They don’t care about all of you self-perceived imperfections, in fact I’d be surprised if they’d even noticed them because you true friends like you for you, just the way you are. It’s kind of sad that we can get into these spirals of self-depreciation, negativity and shame when others around us don’t see any of that. It’s sad because it’s just such a waste of our precious time.
So this is all very well and good, listen to your higher self, be authentic and all that, but how???
In all honesty, I’m still working on it. I think it will be something I’ll be working on for the rest of my life but that’s okay. I’m all about living with a growth mindset and learning so that’s what I’ve been doing over the last few months. I enrolled myself into a course that focused on rewriting our body image but it wasn’t all about the physical. In fact, the image we have of ourselves come from stories that have very little to do with what we actually look like. The course has been such an eye opener for me and has given me an incredible foundation to work from in creating a happier and healthier me. I’m definitely going to be writing some more on this because it interests me so much, I’ve learnt so much already and I want to share in the hope that maybe it will help someone else.
So what is the very fist step you can take today in tuning into your higher authentic self? Love notes! Post its! Or a whiteboard marker on a mirror works. Once again, I know this feels weird but we’re all about growth and pushing past the self-doubt so stick with me. Write yourself some empowering truths about yourself. If this is just too hard, imagine what your higher self would say to you if you came face to face. How would she describe you? What would she wish for you? Close your eyes, take a breath and listen to your authentic voice. It may take a little time but I promise you we all have that higher self inside of us.
My notes? Well these are some of them.
My body is strong and healthy.
I am lovable.
You have killer curves!
I am a boss.
I am capable of amazing things!
You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.
Rejection – that wasn’t meant for you. Better things are coming!
I look at these notes and remember who I am. Who I really am inside – a strong, capable, loving woman. I have my down days – which have turned into a week at times but I now know that these come when I stop listening to my authentic self. So I get the notes out again, or make new ones. I put them in a place I can see them everyday, first thing in the morning and I read them aloud. I put on some motivating music to move my body and suddenly the day doesn’t seem so bad. And every day gets better.
Can’t wait to share some more of my journey and thoughts about this with you. Do you have certain things that keep you motivated? That helps you stay aligned with your true self? Do you feel like you’re not there yet? That you can’t hear your authentic self over the negative self doubt? Please share and hopefully we can all get to a more positive place together.
All photography by Lisa Fotios
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