If you have read my past blogs you may have picked up on the fact that I am a Sex and the City fan. Yes, yes, I know the show finished up years ago and the last movie was questionable but Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Miranda Hobbes and Samantha Jones all hold a special place in my heart. I suspect they always will. If you are also a fan you may notice that the title of this post has been borrowed/inspired by/pinched from an episode titled “They Shoot Single People, Don’t They?”. It’s the episode where the girls find themselves questioning just how “Fabulous” they are after Carrie finds herself victim to an unexpected assault by punctuation. The assault comes after one more tequila shot turns into many for Miss Bradshaw and her friends the night before an opportunistic photo shoot for New York Magazine. Single and Fabulous? has a whole different feel to Single and Fabulous!
You may not be feeling Fabulous! after too many of these.
Though I am a woman in my 30’s who also finds herself single again, I will admit my situation is more than slightly different to my fave ensemble cast mentioned above. Rather than downing extra tequila shots and dancing the night away at a hot Salsa club you’re more likely to find me hanging out at the local park on a Sunday morning wearing dark sunglasses. Not because I’ve had a hot night out, no. It’s more than likely I’ve indulged in one too many glasses of Shiraz while watching something on the Food Network or the latest Scandinavian Noir series airing on SBS on Demand after the kids have gone to bed. Who am I kidding; I’m not at the park that often! (I am trying though). We wake up on Saturday mornings and have a dance and sing along with rage until Master E lets us all know he would like to watch something different. We then flick between WB Kids and ABC before deciding what we’re actually doing for the day. Like most other SATC fans, random things and situations bring to mind a fitting quote or a scene from the series that we can immediately relate to. I’d just finished getting ready to go out for a drink with my sister when I thought of this episode. I was certainly single but I wasn’t feeling terribly fabulous? It got me thinking about what this new chapter of being “Single” means. Being single is obviously not a new thing for me, yes I’ve been here before, but now I also carry the title “Single Mother”. That’s a new one.
It’s a strange place to be. There are so many feelings and emotions and reasons surrounding why a woman might find herself in my position. Sometimes it’s a choice, sometimes it’s by circumstance and sometimes it feels as though there was no choice. That bit doesn’t really matter. The bit that does matter is how we move forward and how we choose to define ourselves. I know for me personally, I have never really changed. I have however grown and I have evolved. I have strayed from my centre and questioned who I am but I don’t think I have ever really changed. My last relationship breakdown was a doozy and will have far reaching consequences due to the fact we share children and will be forever in each other’s lives for that reason, but if anything, the breakdown has led me back to my true self. Or maybe I found my true self, which resulted in me leaving the relationship? It’s the chicken or the egg?
So how have I grown and evolved? The big catalyst which made me understand who I am and what’s important to me, was becoming a mum. I know it’s different for everyone but for me, this event which I have been lucky enough to have gone through twice, has gifted me with my true sense of self. Every thing I was before has either dimmed or become illuminated to make me who I am today. I will admit to having had selfish tendencies in the past and I’m not saying I’m never going to do anything from a selfish standpoint again, but becoming a mum and having these precious little people in my life means that I will almost always come second from now on and that’s ok. I have suffered from low self-esteem for as long as I can remember but look at my children and I am blown away by how beautiful and incredible they both are. I had a big part in creating these awesome human beings and that fills me with pride! I have always had compassion and empathy for others but since becoming a mother these traits burn deeper and brighter inside of me and I am not afraid to voice my support of others where once I may have kept quiet. I will not let others belittle my compassion. I used to take myself so seriously. So seriously. I just don’t think you can do that after giving birth and chasing after children. The antics that go on merely trying to get ready for the day means you can’t be too serious.
So now I find myself single as a woman and as a mother. As I questioned whether or not I was indeed “Single and Fabulous” looking in the mirror ready to leave for my sister’s place, I paused for answer. Over the course of that night I met some other great women, engaged in some entertaining conversations, had a dance to a pretty good band and drank some very good wine. After being picked up by Dad (thanks Dad!), I came home to my two beautiful children tucked lovingly and safely in bed, watched over by my ever obliging parents. You know what? I’m not exactly the same “Single and Fabulous!” girl I was in my 20’s but my life now is fabulous in so many different ways. No question mark needed. Who knows what lies ahead for me? I for one am going to enjoy it.
“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” — Carrie Bradshaw, Season 6, episode 20, “An American Girl in Paris, Part Deux
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