Dating has certainly changed over the years.
The rules regarding how singles meet, where they go, and what’s expected on a first date is more fluid than they were even a generation ago. Now with COVID-19 in the mix, meeting new people and dating has changed even more.
Dating apps and the Internet can expand your dating pool far beyond the boundaries of your immediate neighbourhood, and allow you to gather intelligence on a person before you meet face to face. But is this gathering of information and talking through our screens actually helping us when it comes to dating? In some ways I think it is creating even more obstacles when it comes to meeting a possible match.
Static pics, a few witty one liners and a bio (if they’ve even bothered to write one) really isn’t a great indication of what makes up a person. Remember the days when you’d get dressed up and head out with your mates? You’d go to the pub or head into town for a great night out with friends with the possibility of meeting “someone”. Guys and girls actually approached people they didn’t know and introduced themselves, without having preplanned it through an app. The days of pick up lines and asking if you can buy someone a drink seems kind of old fashioned and I for one think it’s sad. Meeting someone while out means you get to see how they move, how they talk, their laugh might draw you in. You see people as themselves, interacting with their friends and others which I think is a much better way to gauge whether you might like someone than from a staged picture on a dating app.
These days social media is one of the best ways to get the dirt on a potential partner without having to hire a PI (lol no I’ve never hired someone to get information about anyone!) A quick scan through their friend list and photos can give you a closer look at their political views, hobbies, and even what they had for dinner last night. I’m not going to deny that I’ve done this myself but I honestly believe all of that information can come at a price. Knowing too much about a potential partner before you even meet them can lead to you walking into a date with a preconceived idea of how that person is going to be.
If you already think you have your date all figured out, you might see them only as you want to, as opposed to how they actually are. Plus, a first date is always more fun if you actually have things to talk about that you don’t have to pretend you don’t already know. Awkward!
I’m old enough to remember when a date looked something like this: being picked up from home at an agreed time, both parties having made an effort to get dressed up and present themselves in a favourable light– taken out for dinner or a movie, and dropped off at the door with kiss if the date had gone well. The night was left with a promise to call soon and you’d probably get a text saying what a nice time they’d had not long after.
Today, a date can be anything from meeting your partner and a bunch of friends at a bar to Netflix and chillin’ at home. And while one could argue that any time together can be quality time, it can be easy to get complacent and let these kinds of less-than-romantic options become the norm.
Online dating is definitely the way most people meet these days and yes I know a few couples that have worked out. I have also heard so many horror stories that I wouldn’t even know where to start in sharing them all. While online dating can be a great alternative to bar hopping, you can sometimes find that a profile that catches your eye is not an accurate representation of the person who shows up on the date. A 10-year-old profile pic, an inflated resume, or an omission of important facts can make you think you’re dating someone you’re not and is unfortunately not uncommon.
The art of courting is dying a slow death in modern dating culture. Because sex on the first date (or even before the first date) is more socially acceptable, singles who are just interested in hooking up don’t have to spend a lot of time working for it. There’s a saying – When something comes easy, you usually let it go the same way – and ain’t that the truth? I’m not some wowser that is anti sex and I believe people are free to do as they please as long as everyone involved is consenting but when does something become so easy that it loses some of its meaning?
So what’s the answer? I have no idea. I do hope that things change though. After having numerous conversations with friends who also feel that modern dating isn’t that great, we’re hoping that when COVID-19 restrictions are lifted and we’re able to get back out there to socialise; maybe, just maybe, people will start talking to each other again – without their phones.
Perhaps the art of dating – not just hooking up needs to be revisited.
Pictures by Jep Gambardella via Pexels
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