The wonderful world of online “Mummy” forums. The supportive network of people we align ourselves with. The internet relationships we enter, baring all. They can be fantastic, opening up a portal to a network of helpful information and support through some our darkest days. They can be a haven of blissful companionship as we encounter others who have walked in similar shoes and can recount their helpful anecdotes to steer us on our path. They can be a great place to share all of those beautiful pics you’ve taken without alienating your “real-Life” friends. They can be that soft place you sometimes need in order to fall and pick yourself up again to start a new day.
They can also be very scary, judgmental, offensive and hateful. They can question our moral fibre. They can leave you with a horrible bitter taste in your mouth. They can leave you questioning exactly “What the hell is wrong with the world today? What the hell is wrong with people?” That’s what I’ve experienced over the last couple of days. I had mentioned in an earlier blog that I had joined a mother’s group on Facebook. A group of women who shared the journey of pregnancy, the birth experience, the arrival of our new additions and the milestones our precious bundles were reaching. Unfortunately, there was some heartache along the way. Not every pregnancy story has a happy ending and not every birth is a positive experience. Not every baby gets a smooth ride into this world and devastatingly, some babies go to sleep and never wake up.
SIDS.
My god, aren’t they four loaded letters. They hang heavy in the back recesses of every mother’s mind. They hold a fear that creeps into every mother’s subconscious, creating panic and paranoia when everything else is fine. It is scary and it in non discriminatory. It is sudden and it is unexplainable. It is tragic. One of the mothers that I have shared my journey with has recently experienced the tragic loss of her baby boy. It is heartbreaking. The weight of her grief in the posts she has shared has been palpable. I, as well as many others in the group, have shed many a tear for this beautiful baby, taken too soon. But some, feel the time for sharing her grief, including any photos or memorials for her boy, is past its used by date. This is a group that was created for women expecting babies in April. April this year, 2015. That was 4 months ago. He was born a little early. So after sharing her journey with this group of women, reading and sharing birth stories, posting pictures of her family welcoming their new little brother home over the last few months and then looking for support in her loss, she has been told “enough is enough”. Her posts make others feel uncomfortable. “It plays on people’s minds”. Boo F@%king hoo!
I don’t give a rats if a woman’s posts about the passing of her baby makes you feel uncomfortable. If it makes you feel bad, can you imagine how she’s feeling? Now times that by infinity. Like really?
But it doesn’t stop there. The posts questioning her “appropriateness” continue. Women who have previously encouraged each other are butting heads over this. There are now other issues. A splinter group is formed. Only the people sick and tired of seeing “posts of grieving” may join. Oh, and those who are too scared or weak of character to speak up, you too, are welcome. Do you have another issue with the mums group we were all a part of? You can join too! Admins self-promotion, individuals “lifestyle choices”, people advocating for those “we” dislike, mum’s complaining when they have multiple children, those with strained relationships we judge, if any of these issues bother you, you are more than welcome to join and participate in the bitch fest. Screen shots of members personal Facebook pages questioning the judgment of others are being shared and ridiculed. It’s a free for all. They congratulate each other on their nastiness, “Thank god I’m not the only one!” and “Ha ha! I thought so too!” and “Lets not add these people”.
Laughing and ridiculing others is not nice. Making judgements about other people’s lives and their standard of living based on their social profile is not nice. Looking down on others because they make different decisions or have different priorities to you is not nice. You can have an opinion. You can not agree with someone. This does not give you the right to be nasty, hateful and down right mean or rude about others. Where is your compassion? Where is your understanding? Where are your morals? Why is it okay to be so horrible to others when sitting behind your keyboard? A Facebook profile, or any other social media profile gives you a very limited insight into someones life. How many perfectly polished profiles hide a life of pain, loneliness, drugs, alcohol or even abuse? Just because someone is apparently doing it a little (or a lot) tougher than you financially, does not mean they do not love and nurture their children.
I have been personally affected by these actions as I stood up for the person being talked about in a derogatory manner. I was seen as an advocate for the underdog, so was made an undesirable. I was put on a list of “do not add” as I questioned the appropriateness of some of the negative comments I witnessed. I am proud to be on that list. Perhaps if more people stood up and questioned when they witnessed such slander the world would be a better place. I am not perfect, not by a long shot. But I do not point fingers or sit on my high horse judging others. I do not make assumptions based on the snippet of information gained through a social network profile. I am a good person with a kind heart who would rather look for the best in others rather than the bad.
My mother’s group, the second I have joined on Facebook has now halved in numbers. There are people who have sat idle on the side lines and preferred not to comment. To you I relay this quote: “He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
To the women who have supported myself and the others much needing your support, I say thank you. You’re doing it right.
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