Busy parents need time out and here’s why…
Parenting, one of the biggest life changes you’ll face is the transition from “individual you” to “you the parent”. The truth is, while it is truly one of the most rewarding experiences it is also fraught with daily challenges that can induce anxiety, guilt and most commonly, exhaustion. It’s okay to need to take a break, you need to give yourself permission to take some time out. It really doesn’t matter where you find yourself on the parenting spectrum, how old your kids are, if they are well behaved or little rascals, whether you are parenting with hubby or a partner or solo, recognising that you have limits and need time to recharge is essential for your own mental health.
We are not Superheroes
The perfect parent does not exist. Finding the right balance in our lives isn’t easy, and it changes with our current needs all the time. We are constantly bombarded with beautiful, improbable and usually impossible images of what parenting can be. Mum’s lounging with a hot cup of herbal tea in their lovely clean, white homes watching their impeccably dressed children play harmoniously on the fluffy white rug. The ruggedly handsome Dad tucking his gorgeously angelic daughter into bed after giving her a dose of whatever cough medication they are trying to tell us we need without a tantrum or half of said medication being dribbled down her clean pyjamas in disgust. When real life doesn’t echo these images we’ve been sold we can end up feeling like we are doing life wrong. We have been fed the line that we “Can have it all”, and while there’s truth in it, that with hard work and determination we can reach our goals, they forgot to mention that having it all doesn’t mean having it all at the same time. I think so many of us feel that we can’t be seen as “less” than what we were before having children and so we put extra pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone all the while forgetting to check in with ourselves and our own needs.
Every Day is Different
Work, school commitments, running kids to sports, friends and family or simply a bad day that has had you on a slow burn to total meltdown – We all have our personal limits that can put us in a spin. Recognising these limits and catching ourselves before we are completely overwhelmed is so important. When we recognise the triggers that push us to our limits then we can come up with coping strategies for the future. Tag teaming with your partner, reaching out by way of a phone call to a friend or a family member or even handing over the ipad to keep the kids occupied so you can stand under a hot shower uninterrupted for 5 mins might be the only thing you need to re-centre. I usually reach out to my Mum if I need to download, sharing my feelings in a safe space takes the feeling of being overwhelmed away and I can get back to being positive again. That or a large glass of red once the kids are in bed!
You Have Needs That Can’t Be Forgotten
The old “you can’t keep pouring from an empty cup” is commonly used for a reason, it’s true! Taking a break to focus on your own needs, to ensure you are being fulfilled is just so important. Placing value on our own physical, mental and emotional wellbeing isn’t at all selfish and there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty about putting yourself first every now and again. Like a bank account, you can’t keep making withdrawals without making some deposits too. All relationships need care and to have regular deposits made into them, including the relationship you have with yourself. Taking care of yourself is in fact a sure fire way to ensure you are able to deposit into your relationships with others. Don’t let guilt weigh you down, own your needs and be confident in your choices of how to meet them.
Burn Out
You can’t just “switch off” when you’ve had enough, that’s not how we humans work. Plus the parenting gig means you have at least one little (or not so little) person relying on you to keep it together and keep things going. As mentioned above, knowing your limits and having a coping strategy is vital to avoiding burn out. Burn out comes when you stop listening to your own needs, when your body is screaming at you that it’s had enough and you just keep on pushing. I know it sometimes feels like you don’t have a choice, but really you do. We all do. Reaching out for help can be hard but you can do it. There are so many people out there that are either going through their own battles or have already come out the other side who would love to share stories with you. Humans have this need to share, to be seen, to have our lives witnessed by others and we can use this to great advantage. A problem shared is a problem halved and the people are around us have a huge fountain of life experiences that we can learn from and put to use to improve our own lives.
Your Are Not Just a Mum (or DAD)
Remember back to when it was just you? You’re still you of course, just with more layers of experience and the memories you’ve collected along the way. We’ve all put on different hats, becoming a parent is huge but it doesn’t negate everything else you have ever been or will be in the future. We need to hold on to our interests, to indulge our passions and to seek new experiences. What do you love? Good food and wine? Immersing yourself in a great book? Do you have a TV show you can’t live without? Is getting outdoors and breathing in the coastal or mountainous air your thing? Is it brunch and a laugh with good mates? It’s sometimes hard to find time to do the things we love but we must make it a priority. Connecting with others and finding time for some self reflection is essential to finding balance.
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